the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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