but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My vagina is officially offended.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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