And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
