Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have fence marks all over my body
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
