hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
3 2 1 whiskey
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
