There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
