Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize