I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
