would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
