Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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