i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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