Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
