Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
