I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
