my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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