So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
