Kiss
Puke
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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