Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
