Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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