Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Found your dick twin last night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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