I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
