I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
