She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bring money and cleavage
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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