Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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