We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
