she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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