Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
