Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We are two peas in an std pod
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
