I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
