im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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