I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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