I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
