question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
two words: eviction party
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
