Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
