I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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