im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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