just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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