Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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