im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
