Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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