my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
