i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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