I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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