Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
