I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
