areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
