it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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