Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
