That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
