Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I supernannyed him into submission
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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