whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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