if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
