1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
