apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
