I saw his package. It spoke to me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
