i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
