I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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