I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
