You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
