I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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