drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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