Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
