get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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