He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
