I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
