No stitches, just platelets and will power
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
