But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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