i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
