i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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