I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
