Your dad touched me again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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