White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
