Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The beer is more important than you right now.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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