I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
