He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
