A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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