woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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