FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
