woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
