Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
nutella sex= disaster
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
