i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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