Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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