oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
