I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
