Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
