he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
