god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
