Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
