I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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