One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I want a musical about memes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
