why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
