I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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