Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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