I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
