eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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