Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize