hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
