i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
