i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
