i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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