i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
